Mom comes to the boy to the doctor for a visit.
- The doctor look at my boy.
- undress.
- But, doctor!.
- A boy - gjvno. will make the new.
***.
two friends. a:.
- My then, well, straight sex - machine!.
- And I - sex moped!.
- What is it?.
- Two bars and injection!.
***.
Only one of us heard the words ...
***.
Programmer - an organism that converts a beer in the soft.
***.
- Here is a sawfish, fish - Hammer.
- And what are you so interested?.
- What are they there, Females build?.
***.
- Expensive! .
- What happened? .
- The head is gone!.
***.
- What are you doing on Saturday?.
- I went with her son in the country, will run the snake into the air! .
- I have the same program - mother in law go to the airport to see off.
***.
- Hello, Tanya, are you home?.
- Yes!.
- Heavily made-up?.
- No!.
- Then come out soon, and that to me some hooligans attached!.
September, already smells winter. Am the daughter Ksyusha in kindergarten, a child 2 years 9 months.
- Dad, winter is coming?.
- Yes, my daughter.
- Liner clothe?.
- Yes, my daughter, clothe.
- And a fur coat?.
- Yes, my daughter and a fur coat.
And then a child, looking earnestly into the eyes:.
- Dad, but I got no fur.
it probably is in their blood!.
***.
- How's your new boss? .
- Beautiful people! .
***.
- What do you young people?.
- Two packages of calcium gluconate.
- All of them?.
- Activated charcoal, please also two.
- Lord, what do you have?.
- Discharge of checkers.
***.
- You're under arrest! . Anything you say can be used against you!.
- Naked woman!.
- What is ' naked woman '?.
- Use against me naked woman!.
***.
- Explain to your toes! .
***.
Folk wisdom: ...
***.
- Honey, I'm going tomorrow for a week to stay with my mom. What do I have to do for you?.
- Nothing, that is enough!.
***.
- No, my husband is quite impossible to live!.
- Since divorce!.
- What next! .
***.
The teacher asks the student, freshman:.
- Tell us about the polarization of light.
She answered him and said:.
- And I'm not the Light, I am - Natasha!.
- A chegoy - then you are suddenly?.
it:.
- Why, a timer for cooking eggs broken... I had two minutes to detect....
***.
The main reasons for failure such as: critical days, my head hurts added another - dry mouth.
***.
Have you ever tried to tickle ourselves? . But here at least ten days you would sit with his hand under his arm - not even once zasmeeshsya. Somehow your armpit knows that this is a hand _tvoya_.
Thank God, though other parts of the body is not so smart.
***.
Before making a nice woman, think that it would require a.
***.
- Today I go in the morning and Medvedev to meet me!.
- Autograph asked?.
- And why he is my autograph?.
***.
There are two friends:.
- What are you new?.
- The son was born. Svetlana called.
- Why did Svetlana 's son, then??.
- Yes, in the hospital that does not cut the umbilical cord.
***.
From a letter to the local cable TV operator: Shit! L! .
***.
A cocktail with mint leaves - mojito.
A cocktail with cannabis leaves - is hihito!.
***.
The doctor to the patient by phone:.
- I have two news for you: dick @ Vai Vai and arhihuE @!.
- Well, let's huEvuyu!.
- Tests have shown that you have left to live on the strength of three days!.
- Eeee!. And what sort arhihuE Vai @ news?.
- For two days I 'm trying to get through to you!.
***.
The wind was south - six blacks in the second.
***.
My wife accidentally spills soup on himself:.
- Oh! .
- Yeah. Still, bl @.
***.
The delegation of teachers come to the reception to Putin:.
- Vladimir Vladimirovich! .
- It's okay. so you go.
***.
- Mom, smotpi, I'm strong, my father - I also broke a pitchfork!.
- Bl'ya, another asshole grows.
***.
- But my wife is an excellent cook, and her head never hurts, and football with me she likes to watch, and fishing.
- Do you have PID @ p @ with - in, it's not like other people!.
***.
- We will strike it on to the patient to him place.
- According to the eggs?.
- No, on the wallet.
- A purse, first put on the eggs!.
***.
Beeline I worked for almost a year in the department Abona!! .
calls once a woman, in her background really heard the kettle begins to boil with a whistle.
by the middle of a conversation becomes unbearable squeak.
lass -operator. so she politely. Turn off the kettle boiled over it already please. what babishchy heart-rending voice shouts. Kohl Kohl Bring gown, they see us.
15 minutes after the service was not working Abona. patstulam.
***.
Grandma baked Bun and said to him:.
- In McDonalds do not go, and then the sausage tucked in the ass!.
***.
Fisher - hunter:.
- Well, no fluff, no feathers!.
Hunter - fisherman:.
- And you x ~ d, and not fish!.
***.
In the world there are three things that can not be stopped by Andrey Malakhov, smska sent the wrong girl and a bag of sunflower seeds!.
***.
Employees of the Moscow police were instructed to disperse a gay parade.
Item 1: Keep the back to back.
***.
In the provincial Russia appeared unconventional luzgalschiki seeds. they.
eat the peel, and themselves nucleoli spit. Do not believe me? .
Peeled seeds market?.
***.
It is estimated that if we collect all the commandos together, for some 20 minutes later, they head razdolbaya nine -story brick house.
***.
A boy with a water gun a month held at bay carbide plant.
***.
Nikolai Valuev by brute force can collect dolls out of order.
***.
Folk wisdom: If someone comes from the department, before taking off.
jacket - it means he is shit.
***.
Mall ' tape ', early in the morning after the night shift. Taking the pohavat dozen eggs went up to the checkout. The cashier also been partially disable the brain after working nights, innocently asks:.
- Man, you only have eggs?.
gathered in a fist last strength, gives the answer:.
- No, I still have a heart.
